Well, shit.

It's been forever since I posted that first blog about the creation of Tx, and it seems forever ago - I remember back to that time. I was happy, Tx was becoming successful and I knew what I wanted from my future.

That was then.

Now, I don't know what the hell to do. I've had staff quit, views have gone down, it's way too much work and for the first time in my life I feel like giving up. Curling up in a corner with my iPad and my newly recovered passion for novel writing and just ... Giving up.

My mentor, Caryn Gorrie, has suggested I take some time off to reevaluate what I want and what I want for Tx, and I am considering it.
It's not that I don't want to do, it's that I'm scared to let my readers down, scared to be a failure.

My new deputy editor and I have come up with a new plan for Tx, one which I cannot disclose just yet, and this would take a month or so to action - so perhaps I can take some time of to do that.

It's just hard.
I started to early.
Are my dreams too big?

"Screw It, Just Do It."

It was the first of January, 2012.

 I had had an awful New Years Eve, and I needed to escape from everything. So, like a typical living-away-from-home teenager, I ran away to Mum and Dads. That same day, I had a deep thinking session - you know that kind that either leaves you with a headache, or an epiphany. Even though I was only 18, I was sick of waiting around for something to happen in my life. I had known what I wanted to do with my life for what seemed like forever, and I refused to sit around and wait anymore.

I've wanted to be a writer of some form for as long as I can remember. At first, I just wanted to be Enid Blyton. I would write illustrated stories about my pet rabbit and his friends, and show them to anybody who would look. It progressed in to years of planning to be a fiction writer. I wrote all the time.. I have notebooks full of the first few chapters of forgotten stories, and eventually, computer files containing the same. I did, of course, have stints where I wanted to be something else - most notable a storm chaser and a marine biologist - but I would just end up writing stories or poems about them, and again realise that this was where my heart lay. I tried to pull other people into my passion - instead of playing 'Mums and Dads' or other childhood games, I would often make my little brother, cousins and friends play the magazine, or newspaper, game. We would think up a name, then I would assign everybody jobs. I admit, I would boss them around, "You! Write this!" or, "Draw that again!" all the while proclaiming myself editor. 

I don't remember my decision to pursue journalism... I know, in Grade 12, I decided on my long term goal - my dream. It was, and still is, to present documentaries, to be the person who talks and guides you through the program. I basically want to be a mix of my heroes - Joanna Lumley and Enid Blyton. As a result of this goal, I chose to do Journalism, Ancient History and Archaeology at the University of Queensland, St Lucia - I guess that's how I got into print journalism. 

So, it was on that day that I escaped to Mum and Dads that I decided 2012 was going to be my year - I would make things happen and kick start my life... and I haven't looked back since. At this time, I was quite successfully blogging, and searching for some kind of internship. While I love blogging, it felt redundant. Yeah, I got to write... but I wanted my work to be out there properly. So, I decided I should make a magazine containing all of my blogs. But then, I stopped. I had a think... outside of my friends, family and follows, who would want to read a 'magazine' with three articles in it? Nobody, that's who. So, I took on some 'wise' words that my brother spoke just a few years ago... He was faced with a horrible situation, something I am so proud of him every day for handling like he does, and he simply said, 

"Screw it, just do it".

So I did. 

I threw myself in, headfirst, and decided to start a full magazine. 

It was on that day, 1/1/12, that -T.x Magazine was born.